in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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