guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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