Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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