I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize