im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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