he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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