remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
