The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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