im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize