Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
