I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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