So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
