dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
