That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
