I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
