oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
