I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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