Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
