my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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