i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
