I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
