I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
