Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
