Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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