I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
