I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
