You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
