Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize