Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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