Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
