Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
