and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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