I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
