i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize