yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
