Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
