If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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