I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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