I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
