last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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