i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
