Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
