i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
