I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
