he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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