He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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