Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
