We're like a lot better than the average bears
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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