i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
