He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
