I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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