If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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