all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
