A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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