So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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