okay pat passed out under dana's car
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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