By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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