If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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