that's an acceptable place to lick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
