HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
