I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
