Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
