Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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