I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
