he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
