Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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