I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
