Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
