And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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