i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
