there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
