i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
