Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
