No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
